And that friend listened well, and gave me a good moment of compassion. And then she made a little suggestion.
She said “I think you’d do a lot better if you start to see the fussy baby thing as your current thing. Like, your job. Anticipate it. Plan for it. Set time aside to literally hold and rock and love on that fussy baby. Otherwise you’ll just be frustrated and find yourself resenting him.”
I knew she had something there.
I was desperate and willing to try anything. I understood that this would mean getting less done each afternoon. Dinner might need to be simpler, and I might need to busy my two-year old with a little extra cartoon time or strolling with me in the park. But I agreed to try shifting my perspective.
And boom! It changed everything. EVERY. THING.
Every afternoon, I literally planned for a fussy baby. When he started to cry, I smiled understanding that at that moment–That was my greatest job. His crying was not an interruption in my day. It was my day. I looked at it as my calling for that season.
Anthon has been sick for about a month now with a cold that we just can't kick. It's been a rough little bit, but this article just spoke to me. I applied it, and, it really did just change everything. People don't talk about resenting their babies because well, no mom wants to ever think/admit she does! But, when your baby is getting up every hour or two hours of the night after they're a few months old, there's bound to be at least a tiny ounce of that feeling--an ounce of self pity, for having to get up oneeee moreee timeee. You can deny it, say it's not like that for you, but it's just the truth. Rather than giving in to this feeling, we can look at this time in our child's life as we might do for a timeline at work, or an assignment at school. It won't always be there, or this way--but, dangit, we are going to do all in our power to do it right and to the best of our ability here and now at every moment for him/her.
This may mean something different for different moms, but, for me, right now, it means waking up whenever Anthon cries at night. It means keeping him home and trying to avoid him getting worse. It means staying in the house with him so I can let him go to sleep at a moment's notice, because I know he needs it. It means being humble enough to let Matthew help soothe and comfort Anthon, rather than insisting on doing it myself. Right now, it often means not doing dishes, vacuuming, or even talking on the phone while he's taking a nap, because heaven knows he needs it, and I don't want to be the reason he doesn't get it.
Really, when I first had Anthon, I was amazed at just how much being a mother really is a full-time job. But, I am more amazed every day. Sometimes, I feel like I have days where I'm not "productive." It's on these days that I remind myself about that woman's post. There will be days where there will be dishes in the sink when Matthew gets home, when I don't get dressed until 4 PM, and when we have cereal for dinner. On those days, I remind myself of my calling for this season.
On those days, I'm grateful for a husband who never thinks I do too little. I'm grateful for a little boy, who, even on his sick days, smiles so big at me that I can't help but to have my eyes fill with tears out of love for him. On those days, I'm grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and the knowledge that families are forever, and that--if there's anything worthy of my time and energies, it's this.
..there's always a limb moving...
My wonderful husband, making an Easter egg hunt fun for our four-month old
Anthon, with his winnings :)
Anthon on our first walk outside :)
Dad getting Anthon's jumper set up; he LOVES it.
Sometimes we go out on our balcony and watch the trees move with the wind. These are quiet moments I love (and apparently, sometimes ruin by taking pictures during them... )
We started Anthon on solids this week. Not to worry, one diaper change into it I realized there's no need to rush solids. Not because he didn't love them (he did...) But we're back to breastfeeding only until he's 6 months old and it's actually out of necessity.... hahaha.
He loves this little car that Lin and Cathy sent us.
Who says you can't wear a moose and camo in the spring?
Not this guy! :)
I found him sleeping on his side for the first time today. I realized the other day how much I miss holding him while he sleeps. When he was just born, I did it all the time. But, we try to put him down in his crib these days. I cherish the late nights he's up and falls asleep in my arms after eating.
Anthon's favorite things of late include:
Baths
Pooping in the bath
Solids
Gas Drops (he gets soo excited when he sees me getting them for him and spits his bink right out)
Quality time on the couch with dad
His red car
His fuzzy white blanket
Pulling both his feet up
Looking in the mirror
Rolling every which way off of the blanket we put him on when we lay him on the floor
Gnawing on anything he can get his hands on
Not so favorite things include:
Gas
Pooping
and...that's pretty much it!
Oh...and nursing on the left side. yeah yeah....TMI...but, you're the one who chose to read my blog this carefully...
I've learned why this mobile suggests ages 0 to 5 months. Not because it's a danger, but because it goes from something peaceful and calming to a means of torture/taunting. haha. I took it off his bed because it now KILLS him that he can't touch it! He will just sit there and reach up as high as he can; I started to detach it and hang it so he could reach and play with it.
At his four month appointment last month, he weighed in at 16 lbs 8 oz (74th %), 26.5'' long (90th %) and his head measured 45 cm (96th %)
I'm loving life as a mom. I'm so privileged to be the one this little man trusts completely. I love him more than I ever thought possible.
