One of those moments. . .

There have been a few times in my life where I've looked at something, or stepped back from a moment and taken a mental "click" of something I'd always want to remember. One of those times was as I was sitting in the backseat of my parents' minivan as a twelve-year-old looking at a castle built in the middle of a river somewhere in Germany that I always wanted to remember. I don't know what the name of the castle is, or even what city it was in, but I'll always remember that moment. 

Being a mother has provided me with many opportunities in the last six months to take mental pictures. However, tonight, I took a mental video for what I think was the first time. Anthon had his six-month doctor's appointment today and has been a little out of it from his shots. I went in to feed him at about 9:30, and, after eating, he just laid his head back on my arm. He looked exhausted, but didn't close his eyes. Instead, he just got this glazed, zoned out look to them, and stared at the chair behind my shoulder. After about thirty seconds, I decided he might have fallen asleep with his eyes still open. Then, his eyes moved to my face, focused, and he smiled the sweetest smile I've ever seen. Like, the milk-drunken smiles he used to make as a newborn after eating, only...it was when his eyes focused on me. He then reached up with his right hand and touched my face. He kept his hand there for a few seconds, then dropped it to his side before falling to sleep.

Mental video taken. Mental video stored.

Being a mother is magical. Yes, it's often sleepless, sometimes stressful, and almost always demanding. But I don't know what my life would be like without seeing this sweet little face each night as I put him down and pause just long enough before walking out of his room to ask God to watch over him as he sleeps that night. 

Cheesy, but, so true. 

Life as a Mama

To all those mothers out there, we know how the days of getting "nothing" done go. As far as this is concerned, I love an article my mom posted online a few weeks back that speaks volumes to motherhood. Have a read, if you haven't yet. It talks about a paradigm shift for a mother who was struggling with a crying baby and how a friend's advice changed her perspective. My favorite excerpt reads as follows:

And that friend listened well, and gave me a good moment of compassion. And then she made a little suggestion.

She said “I think you’d do a lot better if you start to see the fussy baby thing as your current thing. Like, your job. Anticipate it. Plan for it. Set time aside to literally hold and rock and love on that fussy baby. Otherwise you’ll just be frustrated and find yourself resenting him.” 

I knew she had something there.

I was desperate and willing to try anything. I understood that this would mean getting less done each afternoon. Dinner might need to be simpler, and I might need to busy my two-year old with a little extra cartoon time or strolling with me in the park. But I agreed to try shifting my perspective.

And boom! It changed everything. EVERY. THING. 

Every afternoon, I literally planned for a fussy baby. When he started to cry, I smiled understanding that at that moment–That was my greatest job. His crying was not an interruption in my day. It was my day. I looked at it as my calling for that season.

Anthon has been sick for about a month now with a cold that we just can't kick. It's been a rough little bit, but this article just spoke to me. I applied it, and, it really did just change everything. People don't talk about resenting their babies because well, no mom wants to ever think/admit she does! But, when your baby is getting up every hour or two hours of the night after they're a few months old, there's bound to be at least a tiny ounce of that feeling--an ounce of self pity, for having to get up oneeee moreee timeee. You can deny it, say it's not like that for you, but it's just the truth. Rather than giving in to this feeling, we can look at this time in our child's life as we might do for a timeline at work, or an assignment at school. It won't always be there, or this way--but, dangit, we are going to do all in our power to do it right and to the best of our ability here and now at every moment for him/her.

This may mean something different for different moms, but, for me, right now, it means waking up whenever Anthon cries at night. It means keeping him home and trying to avoid him getting worse. It means staying in the house with him so I can let him go to sleep at a moment's notice, because I know he needs it. It means being humble enough to let Matthew help soothe and comfort Anthon, rather than insisting on doing it myself. Right now, it often means not doing dishes, vacuuming, or even talking on the phone while he's taking a nap, because heaven knows he needs it, and I don't want to be the reason he doesn't get it. 

Really, when I first had Anthon, I was amazed at just how much being a mother really is a full-time job. But, I am more amazed every day. Sometimes, I feel like I have days where I'm not "productive." It's on these days that I remind myself about that woman's post. There will be days where there will be dishes in the sink when Matthew gets home, when I don't get dressed until 4 PM, and when we have cereal for dinner. On those days, I remind myself of my calling for this season. 

On those days, I'm grateful for a husband who never thinks I do too little. I'm grateful for a little boy, who, even on his sick days, smiles so big at me that I can't help but to have my eyes fill with tears out of love for him. On those days, I'm grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and the knowledge that families are forever, and that--if there's anything worthy of my time and energies, it's this. 

..there's always a limb moving...

My wonderful husband, making an Easter egg hunt fun for our four-month old

Anthon, with his winnings :)

Anthon on our first walk outside :)

Dad getting Anthon's jumper set up; he LOVES it. 

Sometimes we go out on our balcony and watch the trees move with the wind. These are quiet moments I love (and apparently, sometimes ruin by taking pictures during them... )

We started Anthon on solids this week. Not to worry, one diaper change into it I realized there's no need to rush solids. Not because he didn't love them (he did...) But we're back to breastfeeding only until he's 6 months old and it's actually out of necessity.... hahaha.

He loves this little car that Lin and Cathy sent us.

Who says you can't wear a moose and camo in the spring? 

Not this guy! :)

I found him sleeping on his side for the first time today. I realized the other day how much I miss holding him while he sleeps. When he was just born, I did it all the time. But, we try to put him down in his crib these days. I cherish the late nights he's up and falls asleep in my arms after eating.

Anthon's favorite things of late include: 

Baths

Pooping in the bath

Solids

Gas Drops (he gets soo excited when he sees me getting them for him and spits his bink right out)

Quality time on the couch with dad

His red car

His fuzzy white blanket

Pulling both his feet up

Looking in the mirror

Rolling every which way off of the blanket we put him on when we lay him on the floor

Gnawing on anything he can get his hands on

Not so favorite things include: 

Gas 

Pooping

and...that's pretty much it! 

Oh...and nursing on the left side. yeah yeah....TMI...but, you're the one who chose to read my blog this carefully...

I've learned why this mobile suggests ages 0 to 5 months. Not because it's a danger, but because it goes from something peaceful and calming to a means of torture/taunting. haha. I took it off his bed because it now KILLS him that he can't touch it! He will just sit there and reach up as high as he can; I started to detach it and hang it so he could reach and play with it. 

At his four month appointment last month, he weighed in at 16 lbs 8 oz (74th %), 26.5'' long (90th %) and his head measured 45 cm (96th %)

I'm loving life as a mom. I'm so privileged to be the one this little man trusts completely. I love him more than I ever thought possible.

Mom Song 

Saratov, Samara, Spring, and Nostalgia

As spring draws near, I can't help but find myself thinking about the spring times I spent in Saratov, walking through huge puddle pathways of melted snow, enjoying the warming weather as we talked to people on the street. Or, in Samara, dodging puddles, (or trucking right through them with galoshes), talking to the incredible people of Russia. Be it college students, young moms on walks, or the amazing babooshki that were selling sweet/healthy somethings they'd grown on their Дачеs. 

I never thought I'd live somewhere as cold as it was on my mission, but--the fact that it's been above freezing only a handful of times in two months proves that I do. That being said, we have a balmy high of 41 degrees today, and I see the icicles outside my window melting as I type.

The cold is a bummer, especially being a person who thrives on sunshine and the outdoors (I guess we can blame my Colorado roots for that). But, those cold winters in Russia made for two of the greenest. warmest, most beautiful summers I've ever seen. Okay, warm is probably an understatement. But, for me--there's rarely a thing as 'too warm'. 

Granted, most of my time on my mission wasn't spent in the green dreamlike places like this picture--it was spent where most of the people were--in the city. 

Either way, as the weather warms and I continually check my phone to see if it's warm enough to take Anthon on walks...I'll be thinking of my year and a half in Russia, the incredible colds and hots of Russia, and the amazing people there I know and will always love.

Baby Blessing, Rolling, and Growing

This past Sunday, Anthon got blessed. My dad's cousin Ellen was able to make a drive out from Boston to come for his blessing! (Granted, she had to white-knuckle it back to Boston thereafter...) But we were SO happy to have some family here. It meant the world to us that she came :) After church, she came over for some chit-chatting, food, and picture taking. She is a pro at both the first and the last; I'm not sure about the second...since I cooked. We had curry, in case you were wondering. I don't know if I can call myself a pro...but it was pretty good, if I do say so myself.

I've decided that when we have company, it's safe to try a new meal. That way, if it doesn't turn out, I can just blame it being my first time making it. Boom.

Here are some pictures from right after his blessing, and them some of the awesome pictures Ellen took afterwards. I can't remember whether or not Matthew was wearing a suit that Sunday...but, he wasn't for the pictures. He just didn't want Anthon to be the only one in white :P

Anthon's a little less than happy that I fixed his sock. . . 

Can you handle the cute? 

I can't.

That face. Oh my goodness. 

Other new developments: 

• Playing with toys--his hand movements are getting more coordinated. If we put a toy or rattle in front of him, he will move his hands towards it and grab it. From there, it usually heads toward his mouth :) 

As you can see...he just can't get enough of them. He was so torn in not wanting to let either toy go...so, he decided not to.

• Rolling over--About 3 weeks ago, Anthon rolled onto his back from his stomach for the first time. I thought that was going to be the end of tummy time (seeing as he's always hated it. And..random side note...I barely have ever done tummy time. I figure--he hates it, and--heck, the kids from the first how ever many hundreds of years learned how to crawl and walk just fine without a (multi) daily regimented tummy time). Anywho, after he figured it out, he would just roll off his stomach immediately every time I put him there. But thennn....Anthon mastered rolling from his back to his stomach about a week later. With this development, came an increased frustration, since he somehow forgot how to get back to his back. haha. He will roll onto his stomach and then just be SO miserable. And I'm like "you know, you're the one who keeps rolling onto your stomach, mister!" Not to fear...I have a heart. I can't watch him be frustrated for long. Sometimes he figures out how to roll back, and then sometimes I help roll him back. He seems to be more frustrated after the latter takes place, ironically enough. I think it's because he was SO determined and is just ticked he didn't figure it out on his own. He's done better lately with rolling both ways and is getting to be a pro these days. I set him on a blanket on the floor the other day and found that--apparently, he likes to roll one direction over the other, since he found his way off the blanket and four additional rolls that way.

A problem with this playmat is the fact that it inhibits little man's rolling endeavors. When he's feeling especially rolly, I usually take off the sides and move the toys to the ground or move him to a blanket :) 

Take a second to admire that face of his, would ya?

• Laughing--oh goodness, can this boy laugh. Nobody gets him to laugh quite like his dad does. It's funny how moms and dad's are different. When Anthon is fussy, I usually start with holding him or talking gently to him. Matthew's take is that Anthon just needs to be distracted--so he'll talk really excited to him and/or start tickling him or kissing his neck. It often, amazingly enough, leads to laugher. At least until Anthon remembers that he's unhappy... haha, it's fun to see how moms and dads do things so differently. I can totally see why both interactions are beneficial to a baby's development. I can't do his laugh justice with a picture...so, you can just watch the video I posted on facebook or instagram

• Reading--I guess this one isn't new...but our boy still loves to read. He'll sit there for about twenty minutes. If I'm laying on the ground next to him, he puts his little hand on my shoulder as I read and it's about the cutest thing you'll ever see. This picture is a repeat...but, the other's are on Matthew's phone. And...with Matthew's phone...I am not :) 

• Head Bobbing--head bobbing is to a minimal these days. Anthon is getting a lot of control of his head. 

It is so fun to see his personality develop. I think one of my favorite things is when I hear him start to wake up from a nap and I go into his room. He will look at me as I talk to him and be so confused--because he wants to smile and interact with me, but he's also SO hungry! So, he goes back and forth between the two for a few seconds until I scoop him up to feed him.

Our boy is growing like crazy. He is already mostly in 6 month clothing. Some smaller clothes still fit him, but not most. You don't realize how much they grow until you put them up to some of their old clothes.

 I took this picture on February 10th. Anthon wore that onesie for over a month after he was born; it's crazy how small it already looks! (Not to mention the outfit he's in...that he no longer fits into, might I add). . . 

That being said...Anthon is big for his age. 

Here is (another repeat) a picture of him with a 6 month old at a friend of mine's house. haha. 

I don't think I realized how big Anthon has gotten until I looked at the blessing day pictures of us at the church. Our little boy is sure growing quickly! 

Healthy boy! 

Okay, I've gone on long enough. To end the post, here are a few more gems from the last little bit. 

hehe. I don't know what it is, but I LOVE this picture. 

Okay...I lied. One more story. We were at the DMV at the mall a few weeks ago and I took Anthon into the bathroom to change him. I came out looking to find Matthew. Where did I find him? Riding one of these kiddy cars. I laughed, asked about it, and he said it was already going. He couldn't bear to let a good ride go to waste.

Looks at those monster feet. This outfit, along with many other adorable additions to Anthon's closet, are compliments of my dear Colorado neighbors Lin and Cathy. Needless to say, our son is much better dressed than we will ever be. 

Life is good people, life is good. 

And, let's face it, 

so are my husband and little boy 

:)

Shots, Furniture, and a New Apartment

Our little guy turned two months old on the day of my last post. Here are a few gems from the last little bit:

He really is getting so big! Actually...here are some numbers to give you a better idea--along with some pictures from his 2 month appointment, where we got the numbers :) 

12 lbs 13 oz (70th percentile)

23.75 inches (72nd percentile)

His head is 42 cm (87th percentile

So...all in all, a healthy baby!!! Not to mention, fairly proportionate :)

His new favorite things/developments: 

• drooling
• talking, cooing, yelling (happy yells)
• smiling at himself and mom in the mirror
• rubbing his eyes when he starts to get tired
• taking baths (he's loved these since birth, but I've forgotten to mention it)

He was a champion of champions at his doctors appointment. The doctor walked into the room for the first time and said hi to Anthon, who was laying on the patient table in his diaper. Anthon responded with a huge smile. The doctor commented that that isn't the usual response he gets. 

We loveeeee our little boy!

Here is a picture of Matthew comforting him after he got his shots: 

Here are a few from Anthon's first week at church. As you can tell by the pictures below, we were not distracted at all. . . . .He just kept looking at us and smiling all throughout sacrament meeting--it was ADORABLE. 

And...I spent most of the rest of church in the mother's room. . . I'm not big on selfies..but I couldn't resist taking one in the mirror with my little man. Take an extra five seconds AT LEAST to stare at the picture on the right. Is he not the cutest? I, for one, am in love with that picture of him--just kicked back and snoozing away.

In other news...we bought some furniture for our new apartment! We officially move in the 7th and can't wait! I am in LOVE with our couch. We also got a brown chair that will either go in our bedroom or in the nursery; we haven't decided yet. It was so fun to pick out furniture together! (Granted it took about 8 trips to the furniture store. . . ) Once again, Matthew wins the patience award. I'm so glad I married someone who wants me to be happy to the extent that he doesn't mind 18 million trips back to places when we're making decisions! 

I was going to post pictures of the furniture here...but, I just realized they have the price tags on them. and that would probably be tacky. Don't worry--suffice it to say they were on sale :) 

Instead...here is a picture of me opening our apartment door with our very own key for the first time. Well, okay, so, it's more a picture of me searching for my key to open the apartment door. Which, let's face it, is a far more accurate depiction of what I'm going to look like every time I'm attempting to enter our apartment.

Matthew and I also went on a hot date with our favorite chaperone this week--to a place called Bob's Diner. Not the best food, in all honesty. It was fine. But, check out our chaperone...

I could eat him. 

Not really. Don't worry. 

Okay, last but certainly not least is a picture Matthew snagged this week. I can't get over Anthon's sweet little face in it. 

We are loving life and loving our little boy!

Ummm..we LOVE him.

This little man slept from 11 to 6 this morning and then from 7 to 9. Just had to brag and be grateful a bit. He really is an angel. Also, I wanted to remind you all of how precious he is. But, really. Look at that smile. His newest discovery lately is his tongue. Oh, and his fists--he has come to love inserting (or attempt to) his fist into his mouth and suck on it. Holy Moly we love our little squirt.

First Flights and House Hunting

Well, world, we made it to New York! Matthew is doing great at his new job and I am loving having him home around 4PM every day.

We flew here on December 29th, so--if you're curious, Anthon was 6 weeks old in them. Everyone we talked to in the airport was convinced he had to be two or three months old. The flight over was super easy, thanks to our angel baby. We made sure to nurse during take-offs and landings so his ears didn't pop, and he slept the rest of the way. I mean--the entire rest of the way. Everyone complimented us on how awesome he was. The credit went to the right place, since we had worked so hard to teach him proper plane etiquette. Oh, wait. . . .  :)

That boy is an angel all on his very own. In case you didn't see them on facebook or Instagram, here are a few pictures from our trek over. We had an hour layover in Chicago.

Out cold while Matthew held him for me to get situated

What he looked like most of the time, snuggled up with me :)

The view as we were landing

The first thing we saw as we were driving out from the airport was the Albany Hockey Facility. Yep--we're not in Kansas anymore!  

Matthew's company has put us up in temporary housing for our first little bit here. We had a week of being in New York to house hunt before Matthew started work, which was really nice. By house hunt, I mean apartment hunt--but it doesn't roll off the tongue as nicely. 

Here's a picture of our little mister pre-house hunt

Couldn't you just EAT him up??

and....after

hehehe. He was sure tuckered out after a long day of in and out of the car to look at apartments. We ended up (not on our first day of looking, naturally), finding an apartment we love. Matthew and Anthon both win patience awards, since it took three walk-throughs/return visits and one extra return visit for "us" to finally decide on one. They are too good to me :) And...it's all worth it in the end, because we have an awesome apartment!

New York has been good to us since then. Matthew has been adjusting well to his job, and the little Mister and I hang out together at home during the day. It is SUCH a nice change to have Matthew getting home in the early afternoons, especially after so long of him working late nights. I need to record a video of Anthon and Matthew's daily first post-work interaction; Anthon gets SO excited to see him and it is the cutest thing you will ever see. 

I have loved being home with Anthon and I just love being a mom. The first few weeks after he was born were exhausting, just with all of the adjusting and him being up so much at night. Now that he's a little older, we both get more sleep at night. I have loved 

• giving him baths
• sitting and talking to him
• learning to "read" his cries and learn how he communicates
• his big grins and his eyes lighting up as I talk to him
• talking back and forth as he gets more and more interactive
• getting up to be with him, even in the middle of the night

It's funny, actually. Sometimes he's awake and fussy--you work SO hard to help them go to sleep. But, once they are and stay asleep for awhile, you just miss them so much!!! Last night, he slept for 5 hours straight (yes--and he's done more. Again, angel baby), but, I found myself laying in bed wanting him to wake up just because I was missing him. Motherhood is so funny. I love it. 

This is one of my favorite outfits on him. This boy is all torso, like his mama.

Here's a picture I took on the day he "turned" 8 weeks old. I think this was his second to last day in  newborn sized clothing; as you can see, he has grown too big for them.. 

Crazy, right?? 

I've found that I rarely get a picture without a blurry bodypart; this boy likes to wiggle, kick, and just move all around :) 

Anthon's first day at church. haha, I just set him down for a second to pack the diaper bag up and I couldn't not take a picture after looking at him. We made it through first hour, and then spent the majority of church in the mother's room. Not because he was fussy, but hungry. Again, angel baby. 

We are healthy, happy, and loving life.

I have the best husband in the whole wide world and we have the best baby.